The hidden cost of being a woman: The Plumber

Photo from Joseph Gionone Plumbing, AC and Heating

 

I manage a 20-unit building for my family. It was built in 1965, so the plumbing is not exactly state-of-the-art. Specifically, all the original tub/shower enclosures have three-handle fixtures, which are necessary because the valve behind the tile is a three-handle valve.

Three-handle fixtures are not common these days, but they can be purchased. In fact, before I called a plumber, I bought one. I just needed someone to install it.

There are a lot of ads for plumbers online, so I’m always careful to read the reviews before calling one. I selected one with rave reviews for their efficiency and their willingness to send someone the same day. “Satisfaction Guaranteed” appeared in large font on their website.

Here’s what happened:

The plumber arrived at 5pm for an appointment scheduled between 2 and 4. (No one called to let me know he was running late.) When he arrived, I gave him the parts I had purchased and asked him to install them. I let him know that once I rent some of the 10 vacancies I have now (mostly due to people moving away during the pandemic) I will have him come back to help me upgrade some of the plumbing, but for now, I need to do the bare minimum.

Thirty minutes later he knocks on my door to tell me he’s done for the day. He explains that he replaced one of the handles, but not the other. He has to come back next week (this is Thursday). He doesn’t work on Fridays. His office will call me to schedule it.

Then he takes out his phone and shows me a photo of a single-handle faucet, one that would require him to open the tile wall, replace the currently functioning valve, reconfigure the pipes behind the tile and install a new extra-large plate to cover the tile he’ll be damaging when he replaces the valve that doesn’t need to be replaced.

He is practically glowing as he shows me this brand-new, single-handle faucet that looks like it belongs in a cheap motel. “So much better!” he tells me. He is so animated; I’m reminded of someone selling a seminar or workshop that will change my life. I tell him that’s a great solution when I need to replace the valve, but for now, I just want to make the handles match.

Now that he’s replaced one, can he please just finish the job?

Once again, he shows me the photo and says, “You really need to do this.”

Then he reminds me how late it is and says he will have the office call me to set up a time to come back and finish the job. He leaves, after reminding me for a third time, that it’s much easier to find parts for the single-handle faucet—as if he’s already forgotten that I handed him the parts he needs when he arrived.

The following morning, I get a text from the admin at this office telling me the bid for the job is $2,350.

I wondered if there was some confusion about the scope of work. This couldn’t possibly be a bid for replacing the handles, could it? I called back and asked if he could please explain exactly what they were bidding on. Instead of answering my question, the office admin (who is also a man) tells me if I don’t like the bid, I should call another plumber.

I knew there had to be some misunderstanding, so I asked for a written bid. That should clear up any miscommunication, I thought. I was told it would be sent that evening.

It never came.

Instead, the technician who had done half the job texted me. He said his boss told him that I didn’t want him to do the work. I repeated via text what I’d told the admin over the phone: it was too expensive for the work I requested. He texted back, “How much are you willing to pay?”

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Later that evening, I discussed the job with one of my regular contractors. He said that without the need to replace the valve or repair any tile, this was a pretty straightforward plumbing job and shouldn’t cost anywhere near $2350.

On Monday morning, I left the following message with the technician. “I would like a written bid for finishing the job using the parts I have on hand, as originally requested.”

I never heard back.

If this was the first time a man had failed to hear me, despite my efforts to be clear and concise about what I needed, I wouldn’t be writing this now. If it was the first time a man overcharged me or tried to persuade me to do something far in excess of what was needed, that would be one thing. But this sort of thing happens constantly.

So, when I asked myself if the plumber and the admin at the office didn’t hear me or if they actually chose to ignore me, I could only come to one conclusion. Since neither of them are deaf, it’s got to be the latter.

I can’t help but wonder how much differently all this would have gone down if I were a man.

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Fictionalized scenario: Where I am a dude

Plumber shows up, installs the handles I purchased.

Then he casually says “You know, at some point you may not be able to find parts for these, have you thought about upgrading? Might save you some trouble in the future.”

Discussion ensues. He tells me he can probably get me a deal if I want to do more than one apartment. We agree to touch base again after I’ve rented a few units and have a little more income to use on upgrades. We shake hands (or bump elbows) or whatever. End of story.

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I retired from my day job last December, but I don’t really feel retired because now I spend all my time monitoring men to make sure they’re not trying to take advantage of me. It’s exhausting.

It’s also not every man. I know a lot of great guys who are helpful, knowledgeable, kind, and trustworthy. It’s important to say that.

Unfortunately, not one of them is a plumber.

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Background on the writer:

My career as a Sr. Operations Analyst for a tech company ended on December 23, 2021. It wasn’t my first career, but it will be my last one as a corporate employee. My longest career has been in property management, due mostly to managing the building for my family, where I have lived for over 30 years.

Other areas of employment have been in biotech, where I wore many hats while supporting a handful of start-ups attempting to do amazing things like cure cancer with gene therapy and grow proteins in filamentous fungi in a fraction of the time it takes in mammalian eggs.

There were also several periods of self-employment where writing/acting/content production/desktop publishing/desktop support and other odd jobs were done to pay my bills while taking a mental health break from the corporate environment.

I’ve had a great life, but in hindsight, I can’t help but wonder if I should have been a plumber.