Bringing Down the House
"Sharon's stroke is God's punishment for dividing His lands."
-- Pat Robertson
"Pat Robertson is God's punishment for creating televangelists"
-- Laurie Fosner
I love the end of the year when everybody talks about what happened that year. I thought about doing a little year-in-review myself, but then I decided that predicting the future would be much more interesting--and challenging. So here's my 2006-2008 list of things I hope (and in some cases think actually might) happen.
First, Bush is going down. The whole Bush administration is on its way out in utter disgrace. We've already seen the beginning. My conservative friends seems to think none of this will end in anything more than a little wrist slapping (kind of like what happened in 2005 when inspectors found 208 violations at the Sago Mine.) Nothing major will come of it, they say. Nothing, that is, except the natural consequences of a myriad of failures--just like what happened at the Sago Mine. Yes, my conservative pals think Bush is too well insulated to be affected directly. But I think they're wrong. Bush, as uninformed and over-coached as he is, would have been untouchable in the old days, before the internet. But with the advent of email and alternative media web sites, he's toast.
It used to be that people with Bush's connections and influence were always saved by lesser beings who took the fall. That worked when secrecy was maintainable. But those days are gone, despite the Bush administration's efforts to keep them alive and well. My conservative friends think the Bush machine can survive by simply removing (literally) anybody that threatens to spill the beans. They figure people with that kind of power don't let others rat on them--they use rat poison. I am sure they're right. But when there are a lot of rats and they're running in every direction, you need a lot of rat poison.
If the arrogance and poor planning that the Bush administration has demonstrated thus far in regard to Iraq, FEMA, Homeland Security improvements (well, just about everything) is any indication of what we can expect, I'd say their rat poison supply is likely way too low and their ability to figure out how to use it is just as inadequate. Then again, they may surprise us--it may turn out to be the only thing they're actually good at. One thing is for sure, we're about to find out.
Abramoff and his buddy Scanlon have already pled guilty. Abramoff says he has information that could implicate as many as 60 members of Congress. Some say that's an exaggeration aimed at making a his plea bargain more personally advantageous. That may be--but whatever the actual number--a lot of heads are gonna roll. And the best part is that they're mostly self-righteous Republicans. (Ah, the sweet smell of justice).
Then there's the whole Tom DeLay redistricting scandal. (I love that DeLay and Abramoff are best friends. While DeLay posed as a representative of democracy his best buddy was swindling the people we stole this land from and calling them "troglodytes and morons" behind their backs. Reminds me of the Enron guys laughing about all the little old ladies they were stealing from--the ones they knew wouldn't be able to afford to pay for heat that winter.)
And let's not forget the Plame Game. "Scooter" may be the only one indicted now, but I predict the grand jury investigation into his involvement will open up the whole can of worms around false WMDs claims in a way that can't be denied or ignored. Patrick Fitzgerald is too smart to say much now, but when he drops his bomb, it will be during a publicized trial that will go on record and spread so fast that nobody will be able to stop it.
As for the next president--I'm just praying that both John Kerry and Ms. Clinton have the good sense, and frankly good manners, to step away from that opportunity. Kerry hasn't the charisma or the ability to stand his ground amid controversy--we already have proof of that--and Ms. Clinton is just too unattractive. It isn't her looks, it's her personality. I read her book (well, I listened to it on audio tape). It was a conglomeration of stories seemingly meant to make her appear softer and more lovable. It didn't work. Self-serving was my assessment--and it still is. Besides, men hate her. I don't like saying it but it's true. She can't win. Nor can Kerry.
My vote of confidence goes to a man with little experience in the highest levels of government but one whose innate sense of justice and integrity are (so far) unquestioned: Barack Obama. As far as I'm concerned the only thing better than a dedicated, inspired and educated (not graduated--educated) woman in the White House would be a similarly situated black man.
As for lesser matters, here are a few more 2006 predictions, just for fun:
Jon Stewart will become the world's favorite Oscar host, ousting Billy Crystal for good. His opening number will be a musical tribute to Good Night and Good Luck, starring Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
Martha Stewart will write a book about women in prison which will be turned into a Hollywood extravaganza starring Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan look-a-likes. The requisite lesbian sex scenes will force Pat Robertson to make the statement "Prison is God's punishment for being a lesbian."
Bono will replace John Bolton as the U.N. Ambassador to the United Nations after it is discovered that Bolton has been conspiring to blow up ten of the 38 stories in the Secretariat building.
And last, but not least, Hugo Chavez will be recognized as the world's foremost democratic world leader--leaving the president of the United States in the not-so-honorable mention category.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
-- Pat Robertson
"Pat Robertson is God's punishment for creating televangelists"
-- Laurie Fosner
I love the end of the year when everybody talks about what happened that year. I thought about doing a little year-in-review myself, but then I decided that predicting the future would be much more interesting--and challenging. So here's my 2006-2008 list of things I hope (and in some cases think actually might) happen.
First, Bush is going down. The whole Bush administration is on its way out in utter disgrace. We've already seen the beginning. My conservative friends seems to think none of this will end in anything more than a little wrist slapping (kind of like what happened in 2005 when inspectors found 208 violations at the Sago Mine.) Nothing major will come of it, they say. Nothing, that is, except the natural consequences of a myriad of failures--just like what happened at the Sago Mine. Yes, my conservative pals think Bush is too well insulated to be affected directly. But I think they're wrong. Bush, as uninformed and over-coached as he is, would have been untouchable in the old days, before the internet. But with the advent of email and alternative media web sites, he's toast.
It used to be that people with Bush's connections and influence were always saved by lesser beings who took the fall. That worked when secrecy was maintainable. But those days are gone, despite the Bush administration's efforts to keep them alive and well. My conservative friends think the Bush machine can survive by simply removing (literally) anybody that threatens to spill the beans. They figure people with that kind of power don't let others rat on them--they use rat poison. I am sure they're right. But when there are a lot of rats and they're running in every direction, you need a lot of rat poison.
If the arrogance and poor planning that the Bush administration has demonstrated thus far in regard to Iraq, FEMA, Homeland Security improvements (well, just about everything) is any indication of what we can expect, I'd say their rat poison supply is likely way too low and their ability to figure out how to use it is just as inadequate. Then again, they may surprise us--it may turn out to be the only thing they're actually good at. One thing is for sure, we're about to find out.
Abramoff and his buddy Scanlon have already pled guilty. Abramoff says he has information that could implicate as many as 60 members of Congress. Some say that's an exaggeration aimed at making a his plea bargain more personally advantageous. That may be--but whatever the actual number--a lot of heads are gonna roll. And the best part is that they're mostly self-righteous Republicans. (Ah, the sweet smell of justice).
Then there's the whole Tom DeLay redistricting scandal. (I love that DeLay and Abramoff are best friends. While DeLay posed as a representative of democracy his best buddy was swindling the people we stole this land from and calling them "troglodytes and morons" behind their backs. Reminds me of the Enron guys laughing about all the little old ladies they were stealing from--the ones they knew wouldn't be able to afford to pay for heat that winter.)
And let's not forget the Plame Game. "Scooter" may be the only one indicted now, but I predict the grand jury investigation into his involvement will open up the whole can of worms around false WMDs claims in a way that can't be denied or ignored. Patrick Fitzgerald is too smart to say much now, but when he drops his bomb, it will be during a publicized trial that will go on record and spread so fast that nobody will be able to stop it.
As for the next president--I'm just praying that both John Kerry and Ms. Clinton have the good sense, and frankly good manners, to step away from that opportunity. Kerry hasn't the charisma or the ability to stand his ground amid controversy--we already have proof of that--and Ms. Clinton is just too unattractive. It isn't her looks, it's her personality. I read her book (well, I listened to it on audio tape). It was a conglomeration of stories seemingly meant to make her appear softer and more lovable. It didn't work. Self-serving was my assessment--and it still is. Besides, men hate her. I don't like saying it but it's true. She can't win. Nor can Kerry.
My vote of confidence goes to a man with little experience in the highest levels of government but one whose innate sense of justice and integrity are (so far) unquestioned: Barack Obama. As far as I'm concerned the only thing better than a dedicated, inspired and educated (not graduated--educated) woman in the White House would be a similarly situated black man.
As for lesser matters, here are a few more 2006 predictions, just for fun:
Jon Stewart will become the world's favorite Oscar host, ousting Billy Crystal for good. His opening number will be a musical tribute to Good Night and Good Luck, starring Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
Martha Stewart will write a book about women in prison which will be turned into a Hollywood extravaganza starring Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan look-a-likes. The requisite lesbian sex scenes will force Pat Robertson to make the statement "Prison is God's punishment for being a lesbian."
Bono will replace John Bolton as the U.N. Ambassador to the United Nations after it is discovered that Bolton has been conspiring to blow up ten of the 38 stories in the Secretariat building.
And last, but not least, Hugo Chavez will be recognized as the world's foremost democratic world leader--leaving the president of the United States in the not-so-honorable mention category.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
posted by LA Fosner at 5:20 PM
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